this is it

its been a long winding way so now where do i start.. everything seems to fall apart. funny looking down on my last post i was talking bout my past relationship and how i wanted to make everything alright so bad but now i barely have anything to stand for. i still feel guilty though for what ive done but i thought it was the best for us and yes im sure for me it was and it is still the best for us. a long relationship brings nothing but sins, accusations and short-term gratification which does not offer delight in the after life, there you have my reason. i am may be one million years away from being a religious individual but i am here trying and ready to change. i know i know its not easy to live on my own and the future is always full with suprises and unexpected temptation in any forms and falling in love again is honestly not an exception. i thought you would understand i did this for us i thought you seen right through me but unfortunately you didnt. all i did was trying to give us time a long break until both of us are ready but no you used that time to find somebody else just what exactly happened to the things you said? yes i remember telling you to move on with your life but i didnt expect you to move that quick i feel truly insulted and what even more the person that you are with now is someone who used to be a good friend of mine. im not grieving over you i just cant find a way to accept this kind of insult.

its a lie to say that this does not take a toll on me you know to everyday carry the feelings of being betrayed and being lied to. its alright atleast reality has slapped me in the face and i am now aware that the unrealistic romance from novels and movies cannot be applied to everyday life, they are scripted and we arent. thing like this brings nothing but despair. whatever it is i wish you luck in everything you do, nothing in this world is built to last.

how could i be so stupid so careless..

im just going to admit my mistake straight away, i screwed up i forgot our anniversary. well yesterday wasnt so simple as it seemed it was, i didnt forgot about it completely, i did remember ): i was wanting to talk to you so bad yesterday but the only time got to talk yesterday was only around 3 to 4, i was about to greet you in the morning then i cancelled it up and i decided to wait for you to get awake from your sleep first,somehow i got so much in my mind wanting to know how you were doing, had you eaten or not and stuffs and ending up forgetting the most important thing that i should have really mentioned it in the first place. im sorry i know i've let you down but i just want you to know i love you.











i despise myself.

yo

lol i just remembered that i have a blog im kinda bored right now so i guess updating something new here wont be a crime :P okay lets do a quick recap, since i dont think i have much to talk about i'll just go straight talking about my school life :P i managed to get only 5 out of 7 O's and i made it to pte katok :D currently at BE9 and im going to sit for my final exam which is psychology paper 2 tomorrow evening at 1pm :) i havent read much though but i did make some useful preparation :D life has been amazing since the first day i stepped my feet to this college, new environment new faces and the people here are awesome, chinese indian malay and even white no matter what races we all mix up well here. being treated like an adult everywhere wearing that cool looking tie everyday it makes me feel like im in a whole new world :P I guess this is what people call as 'living in the early stage of the adolescent world" lol !

tim urban - i cant help but falling in love with you

lady antebellum - need you now

and i wonder if i ever cross your mind for me it happens all the time.

lil' rain - adore you

lil'rain - adore you



ohh this song is so full of emotion, so perfect i just love it

today

enough football haha been busy today, mum picked me up around 1.30

i complained to her about the sore that i felt around my neck, its getting

worst day by day and it really started to freak me out. my mum stared at me and said

"bah ke kiulap tah tarus arah dr.basir" neither of us knew the exact location of

dr.basir clinic =='' we went to avon and asked the worker, they told us that

dr.basir clinic has been closed for almost a year and i was like

$%$^$&*$#^$&*#%#^*^&*#%%@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so we got no other option, i had to go the LEE's clinic, sighs another stupid

clinic, seriously nothing's going to change !! but then entah i changed my mind

i dont know lg i just hope it will work out this time =/ the doctor said that he's

going to give me a super-strong antibiotic but it also has a side effect, he advised

me to use lip balm and moisturizer and he also told me that the antibiotic is a bit

expensive and hell yeah it is EXPENSIVE =='' i was like wtf$ 30 tablets $80.00 ??

damn it i'm so broke sighs. starting from today i've determined to keep my hands

off from my neck and avoid eating food that contains large quantity of oil.

amin tah baik this time seriously aminnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn !